


Optimus Prime and the Terrible, Horrible, Not So Good, Bloody Rotten, Fuck You Day

by ladydragon76



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Gratuitous Swearing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 19:40:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7696870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydragon76/pseuds/ladydragon76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Optimus is having a Bad Day<sup>tm</sup></p>
            </blockquote>





	Optimus Prime and the Terrible, Horrible, Not So Good, Bloody Rotten, Fuck You Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blarghnessrawr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blarghnessrawr/gifts), [NKfloofiepoof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKfloofiepoof/gifts).



> **'Verse:** G1  
>  **Series:** None  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Characters:** Optimus Prime, Autobot Ensemble, Decepticon Ensemble  
>  **Warnings:** Gratuitous Swearing?  
>  **Notes:** I blame NK and Sunny. Title by Sunny. Dorkimus Prime headcanons by NK.

Optimus hadn't quite been himself as the Autobots left the _Ark_ to head off to the latest Decepticon dustup. Jazz had noticed the tension in the Bossbot right off, but, hey. Decepticons attacking a human research facility. It got his dander up too.

Battle was joined. Jazz went wide along a decorative tree line. Prowl called out orders. The twins dove after the Constructicons before they could form up into Devastator. Mirage disappeared from sight. Hound and Bumblebee hurried to corral the humans out of the way. The Seekers took to the air. Megatron bellowed. Blaster fire went _pew pew pew_ all around. Some cluster bombs went off spraying rock shards in all directions.

Normal day, really.

Until…

"Fuck you, you cockwangling bitchbird!" _Blam blam blam_ went Prime's gun, nearly hitting Starscream as the Seeker hovered in the air, jaw dropped and optics wide.

The whole battlefield fell silent.

"First. I couldn't log into WoW," Optimus growled, stepping toward Megatron with a menacing stride. "Then the Pokemon Go servers were down again. _Then_ I actually _lost_ at Mario Kart to _Ratchet_ of all mechs."

"Hey!" Ratchet cried, though he was quickly hushed.

" _ **Then**_ my fucking Plague Knight kept failing to double-jump all the way across the pits." Optimus stopped half a step in front of a gaping, frozen Megatron. "And then," he snarled, voice low and furious, "just as I get into WoW. _Just_ as Pokemon Go loaded and a triple question marked _Gyarados_ popped up- Do you know how _rare_ water types are in the volcano?! And what happened?!"

Megatron was now leaning back, hands half lifted to ward off the enraged Prime.

" _Do you know what happened then, you pug-faced fucktrumpet_?!" Optimus roared.

"No?" Megatron offered, sounding incredibly, uncharacteristically, meek and confused.

Optimus' hands flew wide, and Megatron _cringed_ back. "The Primus-humped alarms went off! That's what happened! Do I get to run the raid with my guild? No! Do I get to even _attempt_ to catch the uber rare water type, incredibly powerful pokemon? _No_! I get to cart my happy aft out here to listen to you bleat on about how you're going to crush me under your heel while you raid a _human_ facility! As if our tech isn't _lightyears_ ahead of anything they have! So _fuck_. You! AhhhHH!!"

And then Optimus Prime punched Megatron right in the face before about-facing and stomping back to the road without so much as a glance backward.

Jazz looked around, but no one else was moving. Silence fell again in the wake of Prime's engine roar dying into the distance, and the saboteur smirked wickedly as he clapped his hands together nice and loud. All around, Autobots and Decepticons jumped, optics shooting toward Jazz. "So. Shall we call it a day, mechs?"

"Yes," Starscream said slowly as he drifted to the ground, optics on Megatron where the tyrant still lay, staring off in the direction Optimus had disappeared. "Cockwagling?" the Seeker asked, looking up at Jazz. "Bitchbird?"

Jazz shrugged, trying damn hard not to laugh, and flicked his hands in a shooing gesture. "Go on. Decepticons retreat or whatever."

Soundwave helped Megatron to his feet and, nearly as one, the Decepticons took off.

"Did… Did Prime just cuss the Decepticons into submission?" Sideswipe asked.

Jazz grinned and nudged Prowl into motion, which seemed to get everyone else moving toward the road again. "Sure did! Don't mess with the bossbot's gamin' time, my mech."


End file.
